Thursday, November 20, 2008

Man's Most Deadliest Predator - Part 6

This is part 6 of a series on addiction to Pornography. You can view the earlier posts here:

Part 1 - Introduction
Part 2 - My Story
Part 3 - Addiction or Perversion?
Part 4 - Embarrassment
Part 5 - You can't do it alone

I want to wrap up this series with two last posts. Today, I want to take a few minutes and talk with the spouse. In most cases (not all) this will be the wife and so I want to take a few minutes and talk with you today.

Before I begin, I want to remind you that as I share some thoughts keep in mind that when I discuss someone with this addiction, it is someone who has accepted their addiction, admitted their problem, is repentant of their problem and is eagerly willing to seek recovery.

You ladies take sexual sin very, very personal. It is an emotional issue that goes very deep. Understandable! When your spouse confessed you felt betrayed, you felt angry, you felt....fill in the blank! A stream of emotions, all rightly deserved. It is important to work through those emotions, or the healing process cannot begin. However, in order for the healing process to begin, you must work through these emotions so that you can begin healing with your spouse. The reality is, your spouse is not going to be able to cut it cold turkey and it will require some grace from you.

I know what you are saying...Jason that is just an excuse so they can continue to do what they are doing! That is not what I want to imply. There is no valid excuse for a return visit to their addiction. However, statistics show that even with a good accountability partner, systems in place and a supportive wife, there will be some slip-ups. Keep in mind that there are millions of images locked in his brain and sometimes it doesn't required any new material to be able to play out the gratification portion of the addiction.

I think that there needs to be a balance between encouraging them to succeed without enabling them. All to often, women feel as though the only acceptable option is to provide "punishment" when they slip up. They fear that if they show too much grace or understanding that they are enabling their husband to continue in their behavior. Let me ask you this?

What do you think would of happened to us, if Jesus would have punished us, every time we slipped up? Do you think he has given up on us? The point I want to make, is that you can truly encourage and be a supporter through Grace; while holding them accountable for their actions, with providing clear and concise boundaries that prevent him from feeling enabled.

I don't know where that balance will be in your relationship. I think that it will be something you will have to find for yourself. However, take the time to find it. Find where that balance is. Communicate with your husband and let him know that you want to encourage him to succeed but that you are not okay with the behavior continuing!

Remember that we, men, are not perfect. We are going to need a lot of support and patience as we fight this addiction.

For a great article on understanding the balance between encouraging and enabling, please read this article here. I used some of the article in my post today.

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