Friday, November 21, 2008

Man's Most Deadliest Predator - Final Thoughts

This is part 7, the final part, of a series on addiction to Pornography. You can view the earlier posts here:

Part 1 - Introduction
Part 2 - My Story
Part 3 - Addiction or Perversion?
Part 4 - Embarrassment
Part 5 - You can't do it alone
Part 6 - Letter to the Spouse

This is the final post in this series on addiction to Pornography or sexual sin. I hope that something in the these 7 posts will have a positive impact on your life. I would love to hear from you and how this has impacted your life. Feel free to send me a comment or send me an email to the email address in the upper left corner.

Today I want to finish by talking with you who are currently struggling with this addiction.

First, to you who are fully engulfed in this addiction and have yet come out with it. You need to come clean. You need to sit down with your wife and tell her everything. I know, what if she leaves you. That is something that you are going to have to deal with. However, you can never lead a Godly house if you intentionally are living in this sin. The best hope you have is to come clean, repent and recover and show to your spouse that you CAN be a Godly leader of the home and the healing process can begin. Do it today. If you can't do it alone, man up! Go see your Pastor, a buddy, someone who can encourage you to do what you need to do...and do it today!

Second, to those of you who have done this and are on the road to recovery. Let me encourage you. This will be a very difficult road, but it is doable. There are many great success stories of men just like us who are completely clean of this addiction. I will promise you that it does get easier as the grip of this sin on your life gets smaller and smaller. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you continue to fight this addiction:

  • Don't be Selfish! First and foremost, put your wife's needs ahead of the needs of this addiction. No matter what happens, be honest. Tell here everything! You made the decision to get where you are and it won't be all roses on the road to recovery...and rightly so! Don't give up. Even when you feel like she is beating you up too much, keep being honest. Anything that you keep from her will prevent your relationship from healing properly.
  • Be Accountable! Make sure that your accountability partner is doing just that...holding you accountable. If your accountability partner is giving you a pat on the back when you screw up and saying "try harder"...find a new partner. You need someone that gets up in your face when you screw up, someone that makes sure you fix the problem so you can't make that mistake again, someone that makes sure you are telling your wife EVERYTHING! If you accountability partner isn't doing that for you, you need to evaluate your choice for an accountability partner.
  • Use technology! There are some wonderful cyber-products to protect your Internet access. If you still can't stop, then eliminate Internet in your house. What ever it takes, put those measures in place. If it means quitting a job to get a way from the addiction, then I would say find another job. (Jobs come and go but God gave you this one marriage...which is more important). Note - if you install the software yourself, make sure you don't know the will bypass it if you know it!
  • Feel your mind with the Word! Listen we all know that after looking at these images for a very long time, for some over many years, that they are carved into the recesses of our brain. It does not take much to feed our addiction and our need for gratification without ever looking at an image. So, how are you going to hide, or eliminate, those images. You need to replace them with something else. My suggestion, and what really helped my recovery, was I replaced that addiction with an addiction to read, especially the Bible. Feed that addiction with reading from the Word, read books about Christianity, leadership or some other wholesome topic. When the desires well up, turn to something that can truly bed them down...God! It will make a difference.
For most, these steps and a lot of determination will lead to great success. For some, you are so far involved or are having such a difficult time that you may need to seek professional help. There are some great support groups, in-patient and out-patient programs, and counselors that can help you. I certainly do not have detailed knowledge in these areas. If you feel that this may be something you need, let me encourage you to talk with a Pastor or other professional.

Well, there you have it. My thoughts and ideas on dealing with an addiction to pornography or other sexual sin. This is on the rise, especially in the church. This is an addiction, which used to take 18 months + to acquire, that people are committed to in as little as 60 days. I think that there just are not enough resources out there and we, as a church, need to begin to be more public about this, so that people can feel safe and encouraged to deal with this problem.

I realize that I am certainly not an expert on the topic and did not completely cover this topic thoroughly. I do hope that I may have sparked a discussion or encouraged someone in some small way.

Thanks for reading my posts!

No comments: