Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Man's Most Deadliest Predator - Part 5

This is part 5 of a series on addiction to Pornography. You can view the earlier posts here:

Part 1 - Introduction
Part 2 - My Story
Part 3 - Addiction or Perversion?
Part 4 - Embarrassment


You finally realized that you are addicted to pornography or other sexual sin. You have come clean to your spouse and you have agreed to never "look or act" again.

I am sorry to tell you, but you just lied!

Oh, it is not that I don't believe your heart. I truly believe that you want to change, but it is far more then that. The fact is that it took you a long time to get where you are at. You are not going to be able to quit with a promise.

Think back to those New Year's resolutions...how is that work out schedule going? How is that weight loss program working? The case with these ideas and our quick idea about stopping instantly is that we are focusing on an external behavior change. We do this by trying to ignore the bad habit.

The reality is, we cannot and should not ignore the habit. In fact, what we should be doing is dealing with the habit or addiction face on. This needs to be something that begins with the heart and works our way out. As we begin to put other people's needs (especially our spouse) and our true needs first, we can then begin to make a change.

We also, cannot expect to do this on our own. We need to go through a period of true cleansing. We need to be spending as much time with God as possible. We need to have a good accountability partner during our recovery, and we need to be completely honest with our spouse, even if we slip up! Your spouse will not be able to begin rebuilding your trust, unless they know that you are going to be completely honest with them.

A few words on your accountability partner. It cannot be your spouse. Your spouse is your partner, they are one with you and they are not your parent. It is not there job to hold you accountable. It is your job to seek accountability to honor them. Find someone (of the same sex as you!) that can hold you accountable daily. They can ask you the tough and embarrassing questions and insure that if you do make a mistake that you come clean with your spouse and put things in place to prevent a repeat.

Here are a few things and resources I can recommend to you:

Here is a good article that talks about the difference between a behavioral change and a hear change. You can read it here.

1 comment:

Luke said...

You might also like these books and articles:

http://www.covenanteyes.com/help_and_support/article/recommended_books_and_other_resources/?c=87

Another very robust accountability software is Covenant Eyes. And anyone can try it out for free for one month. Just go to CovenantEyes.com and enter the promotion code 'onefree' when you sign up. Pretty cool stuff.